The hope

I am also hoping that I will be able to share my thoughts in a more concrete way. It seems that I have not been communicating my thoughts, feelings and stories in a thoughtful, in depth way.

This is something I will be working on.

The visit

So I just got back from seeing a therapist. As we were talking, I mentioned by plan to film my life and where I came from and why I am the way I am...it seemed very awkward. I don't think she liked the idea very much. This is probably the last time I'll see her.

This has always been a problem. Anytime I have an idea that is...well, I don't what it is, people gawk at it. Why is that? It can't be that my ideas are all that bad. Or maybe they are. I just don't know.

I want to be myself and I want to express myself. Doesn't everyone? But is this really a bad idea?


On another note: I'm listening to the Fleet Foxes' song "Mykonos." In it, it has the line "Brother, you don't have to turn me away." This makes me think about how I feel like I've been turned away. (Hence, I turn others away.) But I feel like I try to be a friend to people but to no avail.

The Plan

I am shutting myself off to society and exploring myself. It shouldn't be that hard; I'm already an outcast. I will videotaping my life, thoughts, and feelings. This will be embarrassing and hard for me to do. However, I feel that this is the only way to get my voice heard.